On working....

In just three days, I will be headed back to work. Fortunately for me and my dear baby girl, it's only for a week before summer vacation, and daddy will be home to watch Ayla. I can already feel the guilt and regret. My favorite time with Ayla is the morning. I love going into her room to see her playing with her hands or feet and cooing softly just waiting for me. ME. She needs me. And, I love morning feeding time. Then we play on the floor, singing songs and reading books. These times I cherish so much. I know her dad will be wonderful with her, but she has to drink from a bottle which oddly bothers me the most. Nursing is a comfort for both of us and a time to bond.

I keep reminding myself that if we want to provide our children with a sprawling yard to play in and a larger house, I need to go back to work. And when August rolls around, Ayla will be older and needing to eat less often...so maybe it won't be so bad. I try to remember the positives of day care such as the socialization and stimulation from other babies her age. If all goes as planned, she will be in the same building I am in which may mean that I can even feed her myself if the schedules works out just so.

All I know is that I would have regrets and doubts with whatever decision I make, so it's probably best to just make one and be content with it. As a Mom, I realize I am going to have to make a lot of tough decisions and this is just the beginning.

Mommyhood

So, life hasn't been so ordinary around my household. I mean, a little bundle of joy as joyous as they are, really throws your ordinary life for a loop-de-loop.
The first weeks of motherhood were so exciting and new. Then reality kicked in and a little depression hit. Then, mommy read an amazing book about sleeping, Ayla found her thumb and started sleeping like a log. Now, Mommy isn't sure what to do with the segments of free time she has during the day, especially now that she is rested and well. I can't throw on the running clothes and leave like I used to. I have to make sure the few clothes that fit are clean. I have to don two sports bras and even then I feel like I am dragging like a two-ton tractor at the Buck. And I have to strap Ayla into a jogging stroller that with her in it weighs at least 25 pounds, if not more. It's really not appealing. I am working through finding my new identity. I get the taste of what it's like to be a stay-at-home mom for approximately 6 months before the new school year starts (with a week in the middle to finish out the current school year.) I have mixed feelings about to stay at home or not and I don't think I'll ever feel secure with any decision I make...more on that later!

Mommy must-haves

After two-plus weeks of Motherhood, I came up with a list of items that have made life a little easier.

1. Burp cloths, and a lot of them! I am sure even the best fed babies spit up. I lay one under Ayla every time I put her down to sleep. It's an extra layer to protect from the continual washing of crib, bassinet and Pack 'n Play sheets.

2. Swaddle blankets. These seem to be the key to getting little Ayla back to sleep after a nighttime feeding.

3. Diaper pail (or two). The Diaper Genie II Elite is a wonderful invention. We have one in the nursery and I am thinking about putting one downstairs near her Pack 'n Play. We were putting diapers in the kitchen trash and the smell just became too much. The Genie keeps odors at bay and is a convenient way to dispose of diapers...and you will go through a lot of diapers.

4. Travel system. The stroller/car seat was a Godsend. I love to go for walks with Ayla and the Graco travel system makes it very easy. We bought an extra base for another vehicle. It's just very versatile and useful.

5. Breast pump. If you are breastfeeding, you need this. It's great to pass over the feeding to someone else with a bottle. Ayla was a champ after 2 weeks taking the bottle from Dad. And, sometimes a bottle is more convenient out in public. The cost of the pump is worth the investment.

6. Pacifiers. I was afraid to give Ayla a pacifier, but it's also a key component to soothe her back to sleep at all times of the day. She seems to know the difference between the paci and when it's time to eat.

7. Amazon Mom membership. This has been invaluable to me. Since I couldn't drive, shopping online became the way to go. By joining Amazon Mom, I was awarded free 2-day shipping on baby items. By using Subscribe and Save for diapers, I have saved a ton, and I don't even have to leave the house.

8. Subscription to various parenting magazines. The parenting magazines are not only filled with helpful articles and reading material to pass the time, they also contain valuable coupons to Amazon.com. Sometimes there are $10 coupons, and sometimes there are 20% off coupons. With a $10 coupon, I got a case of diapers for $3.15.

9. Practical PJs. Skip the cute newborn outfits

10. Pack 'N Play. I set up the Pack 'N Play in the living room. That is where Ayla gets changed, during the day. She also takes naps in it. I set up a little station for her with all of the items I need during the day, so I am not constantly running upstairs to her nursery.

11. A REALLY comfy chair. I obtained the corner of a sectional at Pottery Barn for $75. It takes up a lot of space in the nursery, but it's ideal for nursing in the wee hours of the morning. I can sit in various positions and lay my head back. It makes nighttime feedings very doable.

12. Boppy. It's very helpful in feeding.

13. A night light. The put one of those cheap battery operated push lights on the changing table. It's bright enough to help me change her, but also dim enough that it doesn't wake her up too much.

I am sure there are more must-have items, but 2.5 weeks in, these are the things that stand out to me.

The little love of my life: Ayla

Why did I wait so long to be a mom? This little princess has brought such joy to my heart. I never could have imagined how much love I could feel for one little 8-pound newborn. She was a little stubborn in making her appearance, but I would do it all over again just to hear that first cry and to learn that she was healthy.

Her daddy has been a wonderful help around the house, and all the food that has already arrived has been a blessing as we are trying to navigate life with a little baby.

Having a baby is a blessing. I am looking forward to so many years of memories with this little lady and our family. Wow, I have a family :-)

Baby blog

I have a feeling that before I know it, this blog is going to turn into a baby blog. I am a little worried that I have not learned the art of bargain shopping for diapers yet. I know what a good price is on ground hamburger and boneless, skinless chicken breast, but diapers is not something that I have mastered yet. I am also worried that my baby won't breastfeed, and I will have to spend a fortune on formula. I am worried that even after all of the preparation I did stocking the freezers and cupboards, my husband is still going to resort to ordering take out.

I really want to be frugal about this mommy thing. My eventual goal is to stay home, and that is not going to happen if I can't keep the spending under control. I love my job, but I don't ever want it to interfere with my family.

I think the best advice I can give myself is to stay laid back. That is my mantra in life. The more laid back you are, the less worried you are and the more things seem to work out. Fingers are crossed and prayers are being said!

Cook Ahead

I love to cook, but I never seem to have time during the week. In an attempt to stock up the freezer with some casseroles, etc., I spent Saturday morning in the kitchen. It's really therapeutic for me. Messing up a lot of dishes and cleaning out my cupboards to make something edible makes me feel accomplished.

Nate thinks I am nesting. I think I am just being me and loving to cook and create. My hope is to employ this strategy when I am out of baby mode and back into normal Nicki mode. I'll cook on the weekends and the dishes will be ready to pop into the oven at a moment's notice. I froze my meals (Bottom left going clockwise Lasagna, Mexi Shells and Macaroni and Cheese), but they would probably last in the refrigerator for a few days. I completed the recipe up to the point where it says to cook it. I wrote the directions on a little card and taped them to the top of the foil wrapped casseroles and stacked them in the freezer. Hopefully they will taste yummy when it is time to eat them!

Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Chunk Cookies

I am on an organizing binge, trying to rid my house of everything that hasn't been used in quite some time. That organizing spilled into my kitchen this weekend. I was given an abundance of craisins. The little orbs aren't easy to eat alone. So, when I came across a recipe in a magazine for Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Chunk Cookies, I immediately ripped it out. First of all, because I love cranberries and white chocolate chips (the Panera Pink ribbon bagel was my favorite.) Second, because I wanted to rid myself of the craisins. And it must have been meant to be. My food scale measured 6 ounces left in the container, which is exactly what the recipe called for. I also was able to finish off my old-fashioned oats and brown sugar. All I had to buy was white chocolate chips.

I made a few substitutions applesauce instead of butter and whole wheat flour instead of regular bleached flour. But, here is the recipe. Mine came out more like round balls, but by the last batch, I tried to flatten them out, since they were flattening on their own. They don't look as good as I thought they were, but they are still mighty tasty.

Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Chunk Cookies

2/3 cup butter or margarine, softened

2/3 cup brown sugar

2 large eggs

1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oats

1 1/2 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

6 ounces of craisins (dried cranberries)

2/3 cup white chocolate chunks or chips

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Using an electric mixer, beat butter or margarine and sugar together in a medium mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add eggs, mixing well. Combine oats, flour, baking soda, and salt in a separate mixing bowl. Add to butter mixture in several small additions, mixing well after each addition. Stir in dried cranberries and white chocolate chunks.

Drop by rounded teaspoons onto greased cookie sheets. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on wire rack. Makes approximately 2.5 dozen.