On working....

In just three days, I will be headed back to work. Fortunately for me and my dear baby girl, it's only for a week before summer vacation, and daddy will be home to watch Ayla. I can already feel the guilt and regret. My favorite time with Ayla is the morning. I love going into her room to see her playing with her hands or feet and cooing softly just waiting for me. ME. She needs me. And, I love morning feeding time. Then we play on the floor, singing songs and reading books. These times I cherish so much. I know her dad will be wonderful with her, but she has to drink from a bottle which oddly bothers me the most. Nursing is a comfort for both of us and a time to bond.

I keep reminding myself that if we want to provide our children with a sprawling yard to play in and a larger house, I need to go back to work. And when August rolls around, Ayla will be older and needing to eat less often...so maybe it won't be so bad. I try to remember the positives of day care such as the socialization and stimulation from other babies her age. If all goes as planned, she will be in the same building I am in which may mean that I can even feed her myself if the schedules works out just so.

All I know is that I would have regrets and doubts with whatever decision I make, so it's probably best to just make one and be content with it. As a Mom, I realize I am going to have to make a lot of tough decisions and this is just the beginning.