Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Some days, I can't even believe I am a mother. I mean, really, what qualifications do I have? I still feel 21 some days...well, until I look into the mirror and see the grey hair from stressing over caring for my children in the best way I know how. I see smile lines from giggles and tickles with my adorable daughter who knows how to melt my heart. I see dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights with my 6 month old son who just can't figure out how to make it through the night without me. I see worry and fear. I worry I am doing this job ALL wrong. I worry that I have embarked on a journey that I wasn't meant to take, because I couldn't handle it or that I was meant for something else. I worry that I am not a good example or that my mistakes will ruin my children. I lose my patience. I lose my cool and sometimes I lose myself.
But I chose to have my children. No matter how hard things get, I will never, ever regret having them. They are a joy. They are a blessing. They are meant to be here.
There are days I want to stay up later, sleep in, go to the bathroom alone, eat a meal without worrying I will accidentally take a bite of baby food, shop with an empty cart, leave the house with NO bags, get dressed without worrying about baby spit up, go on a day trip without packing a pump or do what people without children do. But when I didn't have children and could do all of those things, I was really missing out. I didn't have little partners in crime. Or someone to read me bedtime stories about the huntsman who stole all of Snow White's headbands. Or that toothless smile that greets me through the crib bars in the morning. I didn't have a reason to rush home at night. I didn't have a reason to buy tons of little tiny clothes and toys and books. I didn't have someone to grab my face kiss my nose and tell me that they loved me and that I am the best mom that she's got. I didn't have someone to nuzzle into my chest and gaze up at me like I was the world's most awesome creation and there was no one else like me. I didn't have someone to tell me that my outfits were pretty or that I needed to brush my teeth. They are honest and non judgemental. They love me unconditionally (for now) no matter how bad I screw up. (and man, have I truly screwed up).
My kids make me feel beautiful and wise and loved and cherished and honored. They make me cry and scream and shake my fists and question my sanity.
They have given me the highest highs and the lowest lows I have ever, ever experienced in my 32 years.
So tonight on a Saturday night when I used to find myself out on the town, I crawl under the covers, say a prayer for their little lives to stay safe and innocent for as long as they can. And I thank God profusely and profoundly that he allowed me to be the mother to two of his most perfect creations.

One of a kind desk chair

I must get better at taking the BEFORE pictures. Because, this one would have made for a great before and after. I pick up pieces of furniture wherever I come across them. Knowing this, my stepdad unloaded this when he saw the back of my pickup truck already full… I am sure he thought, “what’s one more chair?” A scratchy blue fabric covered the chair and it sat in my basement. I probably could have sold it on Craigslist for $5 or maybe for $2 at a yard sale, but then I came across a tutorial on Pinterest on how to redo an office chair. And what seemed impossible, became very probable.

                Making old items new is really just about taking apart something someone made and making it your own.

Materials:

Old Office Chair

Upholstery Fabric

Padding

Batting

Staple gun and staples

Screwdriver

Pliers

Directions:

1. Remove the back and seat. First you have to inspect the chair and see how it is put together. This chair had something weird going on (the back was fastened with a bolt and a screw).  However, it should be as simple as removing the oval shaped do-dad with a screwdriver. Flip the chair over and remove the seat portion. It might be screwed on or bolted on. If you need help, ask a husband or dad…that’s what I always do when I hit a roadblock. Then, I have learned for the next time.

2. Take off the old fabric. This part can cause damage, to your hands! You just have to tackle the staples. I did this while watching TV and a few times when I wasn’t paying attention, I grazed my hand with the screwdriver and drew blood. I tried to loosen the staple with the screwdriver by wriggling it under, and then pulling it out with the pliers, or some combination of both.

3. Replace the fabric and padding. I cut a piece of fabric and batting about 4 inches around all sides for both the back and seat. I did this to be sure I didn’t mess up and waste this expensive fabric. (Purchased from Fabric.com, because it was MUCH cheaper than the local fabric box store.) I cut a piece of padding to match the one that I took out. You don’t have to replace the padding if you want to save money, but it sure will be more comfortable. Then, you place seat piece down, the padding, the batting and then the fabric and kind of wrap it like a present. If this doesn’t make sense, just pay attention as you are taking apart the chair and it will make sense.

4. Staple the new  pieces to the chair. This part is something I have to practice. It’s very hard to get it very stretched and make the corners right. I just really, really worked with until I felt like it looked good. It still could have been better, but hey…it was my first shot.

5. Reassemble the chair. Voila. It’s your new awesome office chair.

T-shirt quilt not done, but darn near close

Click here to see original post.

I swore that I started this project in 2011, but alas, it was 2009.

Good news is, I feel very close to finishing this 5 year old project. VERY CLOSE. It’s amazing how a few years of crafting increases your confidence.

Last weekend, I teamed up with my sister in law. Both of us were in a crafting slump and meeting together with no kids or distractions was the perfect way to jumpstart our stalled projects. We talked. We laughed and we got some work done. My project is now ready to be quilted together (the scariest step of all for me, anyway.) 

It’s clipped together with magnetic clips…the backing, the batting and the top. I have nightmares about bunching and shifting, but I am committed to taking my time on this guy. This is a sentimental and amazing project that I cannot wait to complete.

Tie it up: Spring wreath

  I have a pretty beautiful front door. It's probably original to the house, built in 1938ish. It's deserving of some adornments. I have a great fall and Christmas wreath that were gifts, but I needed something for spring, summer and winter. So, I set out on a mission. Since it's timely, here is the spring one. I am a pretty random crafter. I kind of start with an idea and just wing it. I am sure this drives some people crazy, but I don't always like to read directions...I just want to craft.

What you need:

Wire wreath frame (About $3 at Wal-mart)

Fabric remnants (a sheet is a great, cheap choice)

Buttons

Needle and thread (hot glue if you hate to sew)

Directions:

 

1. Cut your fabric into strips. I would say about 8 inches or so.

2. The wreath has 4 rings. I found it covers the wreath better with less fabric if you use one of the middle rings and not the inside or outside.

3. Simply start tying knots. You can space them as close or far as you want. Tie until your whole wreath is covered. It’s a great project to do while watching TV or socializing.

4. For the flowers, there are A LOT of tutorials on Pinterest for these. I read a few and then just did what I thought worked for me. I just cut different sizes of a flower shape and layered them until it looked like a flower. I sewed them together in the center and added a button.

That is it! Seriously.

4 Month sleep regression is real

I have not posted for many reasons, but the main one is: I don't feel like myself. When I don't sleep, I am a mean, impatient, unmotivated slug. And, my darling Ez wasn't giving me consistent stretches of sleep. This photo shows him...plotting his sleep disasters for me.

My kids aren't horrible sleepers. I have heard and read many worse. But no  matter how hard I try, I do not stop obsessing until my kid sleeps enough that I feel human.   That being said, I totally and fully believe in the 4 month sleep regression.  After two children...one who slept for 12 hour stretches from 9 weeks and another who slept so inconsistently I lost track...they BOTH regressed to different degrees at the 4 month mark. Both were taught healthy sleep habits (some of you call it sleep training). Both were able to self soothe. Both put themselves to sleep without a peep. Yet, both of them felt it necessary to regress. The 12 hour sleeper started waking once a night to eat after about 8 hours. The inconsistent crazy sleeper was waking every 4 hours and WOULDN'T eat until 10-12 hours had expired. I told myself I wouldn't beat myself up over sleep after the first baby, but I did. I do. I can't help it. I feel like it's my fault and I should have to fix it. But guess what? They sleep when they are ready. Some things may help, of course, and you will read about them all over the Internet. However, nothing is a magic pill.

I have to say that you have to know your child. You have to be confident in your choices. And you HAVE to know it will get better, even if it feels like it NEVER will.

Sleep disasters can wreak havoc on your family. It can divide a once loving couple. It can scare your preschooler. It can cause depression. It can do so many destructive things. I know, I let it.

 

The first thing I recommend is that you read a sleep book. I had no idea how a baby sleeps (number of hours, number of naps, etc.). I read and love "The Sleep Program" by Dana Obleman. It taught me to ignore people who said....

"did you try keeping them up later?" (sorry Kelly), Did you let them cry? Maybe it will get better when.....

 

Anyway, after you've read a great book and you hit a regression, here is my advice:

 

1. Don't try to be superwoman. Ask for help. Once I asked for help...the pain eased a bit.

2. Don't blame your baby. Really, they aren't doing it to piss you off.

3. Try to come up with a reason why they are waking that makes you feel bad for them. For example. I HATE when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. I curse. So, I told myself that both of my kids had SO much on their minds (I mean, they are developing at a rapid rate) that they would wake and not know what the heck was happening. Of course, since they knew how to self sooth they probably tried to snuggle their blanket or suck their thumb and it just didn't happen. There are plenty of nights I know how to fall asleep and still can't do it. So, when my babies woke, I wanted to help them. I wanted to help them find a way to settle down, and it wasn't CIO (cry it out) in this circumstance.

4. Last night, I prayed. I wanted to be a servant to my children. I wanted to put aside all of my selfish needs and serve them with a happy heart. It worked. It doesn't always, but last night, it did.

5. Don't be a afraid to let your child cry. I was surprised to find that MANY times, the babies could go back to sleep within a certain time frame. I gave them 10 minutes. Then it increased to 15 sometimes. I just stuck to a plan and TRIED to stay consistent. Sometimes you just can't stand it.

6. Chamomile tea. Could have been a coincidence, but I think it helped us both settle.

7. Try not to compare. I say "try" because it's inevitable. If someone said their sleep regression lasted 1 week and you're on week 4...you're going to go insane. I read in a book that you can't compare your insides to someone else's outside. I can't say it enough...but EVERY child is different. My children are proof. You don't expect all kids to walk or crawl at the same pace, we can't expect them to all sleep well at the same pace, either.  

8. Vent. Talk to other mothers. Share your concerns and most of all: BE REAL! I want to slaughter mothers who paint a pretty picture of motherhood. At times, I am feeling REALLY, REALLY good and probably am guilty of this, but I have made a conscious effort to share my war stories so other mothers don't feel like they aren't living up to my "outside" appearance.

9.  Take time for yourself. I utilize my husband, parents and friends to  help me. I still want to be able to shop with space in my cart and no time constraint for feedings or naps. It makes me happy and fills my bucket. I am a much better mother when my bucket is full. I do it a lot, and I don't feel guilty...well, most times I don't.

10. This is going to sound SO morbid, but on a really rough night, when I was trying to calm him, I asked myself if this were his last breaths, how would I treat him. Of course, I started sobbing, but I spoke sweetly to him, shared my love for him and cherished each sweet breath.

 

And I hate to say it, but baby No. 1 hit a regression at 8 months, too. So, if my sleep regression is REALLY over, I am going to sleep all I can for the next few months...in preparation for our next go round, whenever that may be.  

Black and grey desk makeover

I am addicted to finding old stuff and making it new. I don't want to say "junk" because this desk was FAR from junk. My dad found it at an auction for a ridiculously low price and handed it off to me. It was in great condition, solid wood and would cost a fortune at a furniture store today. But, it had the "old" look. He painted it cream and distressed it, but it needed a little character. I personally made it something I would put in my office, in case it didn't sell for what I wanted to get for it, it would have  home.
I am getting more efficient. I painted this in about two days once I committed to it. It was sitting in my basement since the fall, though. I hope to have more projects to paint, once he starts heading to the auctions again. I did pick up an old, falling apart sewing table for free on the side of the road. I have to practice my carpentry skills on that one!

Jobs

It's been quite sometime since posting...obviously because although I've been tackling projects left and right....I've had NO time for pictures and posting. I'll catch up when little man sleeps!

I've been prepping for a kids' consignment sale because I'm unloading some clothes and shoes and it made me think how cool it would be to have my own consignment business. Obviously...it would be hard, but it would be a job I loved...which got me thinking about all the jobs I've had and how they shaped my Interests. So...here's a little (well, not so little) list of my past jobs and what I learned.

Job: Roadside produce seller

Lesson: I love selling things. 

Job: Food vendor

Lesson: I love waiting on people, and I hate maggots. 

Job: Deli girl

Lesson: reaching your hand up the butt of a raw chicken is really as bad as it seems...and, I still love selling food and waiting on people. 

Job: Kmart cashier/layaway girl/key maker 

Lesson: I have the patience of a saint for dealing with crazy ass customers

Job: Associate at Gap Outlet

Lesson: ok...I love clothes and ringing up purchases for people. I hate the fitting room. 

Job: Waitress at Holiday Inn

Lesson: I learned what a penny tip was all about and what work release is (not for me of course) 

Job: Victoria's Secret

Lesson: Free bras are cool, the shit you have to put up with to get them is not. 

Job: Waitress at Cracker Barrel

Lesson: being this was my longest stint at one job (11 years although not full time) you'd think I would have learned lots...all I can say is that I can deal with almost any customer complaint after that. 

Job: tutor for America Reads

Lesson: sad, sad, sad stories are far too common In education 

Job: associate at Giant

Lesson: if you quit before you start, you'll be on a do-not-hire list for 7 years and have nightmares about it long after the 7 years is up. 

Job: Radio personality 

Lesson: I don't think it counts if you read the 5 a.m. News and no one hears it! I'm not cutout for radio.

Job: Intern for local PBS station researching 

Lesson: I'm not good at being someone's assistant especially for FREE. 

Job: intern for newspaper

Lesson: it's really embarrassing when your first article is canned...but it gets better...way, way better. 

Job: intern for another newspaper

Lesson: you can actually work at a place and never feel like you belong.

Job: entertainment reporter

Lesson: this shit is cool, for about 2 weeks. Then, it just gets to be old hat. 

Job: Food reporter

Lesson: this shit is cool for about 2 years...then it feels like Groundhog Day. 

Job: Substitute teacher 

Lesson: something new every day is cool and the places you dread going the most is where you learn the most. 

Job: Real teacher 

Lesson: I'll write a book someday 

Job: mom

Lesson: it's amazing how I can feel more pretty and loved covered in baby spit up and stickers than I do when I actually shower, wear makeup and go out on the town. True story.