On Raising an Independent Daughter

I am no expert on raising children. I don't hold a fancy degree in child development and haven't penned any best-selling books. I wake up every day equipped only with my childhood experience and my daily interactions with teenagers as a high school special education teacher. I am intuitive and compassionate. I am aware and available. I am determined and dependable. Because my mother made me so, I am a huge proponent of making children independent from an early age. This may come up against great debate among many of today's parents who think I am too hard on my child.

"She's just a kid."
"Aww, help her out."
"Why don't you just give her what she wants?"

I am not afraid of what other parents think of me.

But what I do fear and what keeps me awake at night is the question: Will I raise an independent daughter?
My parents and stepparents did not give me money or fancy cars or a free ride to college, but they gave me so much more. They taught me to be independent, resourceful and hard working.

In a world that will eat you alive, I want my child to be equipped with the resources she needs to survive and thrive on her own, just like I was.

I may be hard on my kid, but my kid, my beautiful, witty and wonderful daughter, deserves a shot at independence.

In my small world, there has to be a balance of love and discipline, and this is how I will raise my independent daughter. So here are the promises I will make to her.

1. I promise to always push you to try to do it by yourself first. And I will be patient while you try. When you say you can't, I will push you harder.
2. I promise to always celebrate your successes, no matter how small they are.
3. I promise to encourage you to take risks and always learn from your mistakes.
4. I promise to give you appropriate choices and trust you to make the right ones.
5. I promise to never hover over you while you learn your own way.
6. I promise to mind my own business but be there for you when you need me.
7. I promise to teach you the way I do it and model appropriate behavior, but let you make your own path.
8. I promise to let you make your own decisions about what you wear, even if it means a too-tight princess tutu with tights and sneakers.
9. I promise to let you pick your friends and to encourage you to treat them kindly and fairly, no matter who they are.
10. I promise to laugh with you when you make silly mistakes.
11. I promise to cry with you when you make devastating mistakes.
12. I promise to always be your mother and never to stand against you.
13. I promise to love you unconditionally without judgement or bias because you deserve to grow into the girl you want to be.
14. I promise that as an independent and smart woman, you will be valued far beyond any perfect body or beautiful face you have.

15. I promise it will be hard at times not to give you exactly what you want when you want it...it doesn't mean I love you less...it means I love you more, so much more.