On Raising an Independent Daughter

I am no expert on raising children. I don't hold a fancy degree in child development and haven't penned any best-selling books. I wake up every day equipped only with my childhood experience and my daily interactions with teenagers as a high school special education teacher. I am intuitive and compassionate. I am aware and available. I am determined and dependable. Because my mother made me so, I am a huge proponent of making children independent from an early age. This may come up against great debate among many of today's parents who think I am too hard on my child.

"She's just a kid."
"Aww, help her out."
"Why don't you just give her what she wants?"

I am not afraid of what other parents think of me.

But what I do fear and what keeps me awake at night is the question: Will I raise an independent daughter?
My parents and stepparents did not give me money or fancy cars or a free ride to college, but they gave me so much more. They taught me to be independent, resourceful and hard working.

In a world that will eat you alive, I want my child to be equipped with the resources she needs to survive and thrive on her own, just like I was.

I may be hard on my kid, but my kid, my beautiful, witty and wonderful daughter, deserves a shot at independence.

In my small world, there has to be a balance of love and discipline, and this is how I will raise my independent daughter. So here are the promises I will make to her.

1. I promise to always push you to try to do it by yourself first. And I will be patient while you try. When you say you can't, I will push you harder.
2. I promise to always celebrate your successes, no matter how small they are.
3. I promise to encourage you to take risks and always learn from your mistakes.
4. I promise to give you appropriate choices and trust you to make the right ones.
5. I promise to never hover over you while you learn your own way.
6. I promise to mind my own business but be there for you when you need me.
7. I promise to teach you the way I do it and model appropriate behavior, but let you make your own path.
8. I promise to let you make your own decisions about what you wear, even if it means a too-tight princess tutu with tights and sneakers.
9. I promise to let you pick your friends and to encourage you to treat them kindly and fairly, no matter who they are.
10. I promise to laugh with you when you make silly mistakes.
11. I promise to cry with you when you make devastating mistakes.
12. I promise to always be your mother and never to stand against you.
13. I promise to love you unconditionally without judgement or bias because you deserve to grow into the girl you want to be.
14. I promise that as an independent and smart woman, you will be valued far beyond any perfect body or beautiful face you have.

15. I promise it will be hard at times not to give you exactly what you want when you want it...it doesn't mean I love you less...it means I love you more, so much more.  

How do you eat an elephant?

...one bite at a time. I heard this wonderful analogy at a recent new teacher meeting. I am trying really, really hard not to freak out. I am trying to stay positive and remember why I left a laid-back writing career in the features department for the high-stress loveliness of special education, it's piles of paperwork and regulations.
I rarely have time or energy for the exercise that I love, and it makes me feel guilty. I feel pulled in many directions, and I just want to be good at everything. I feel like I am falling short at it all.
Yet, I try really hard to smile. I try really hard to be happy and jovial so that the people around me don't start to hate being around me. I want to be a good wife who keeps a clean house, dinner on the table and food in the fridge. Something always gets left out.
I am trying to prioritize. I look at what NEEDS to be done versus what I WANT to be done.
Just like with spending and saving money, I am learning to budget my time. If the hamper is full, the laundry doesn't have to be done. If we have no clean underwear...the laundry needs to be done. If the dog is eating trash and running around like a wild mut, he needs to go to the park, and I have to skip my bike ride.
I have given up reading. I make it through a paragraph and fall asleep. Instead, I choose books on CD that I can listen to in the car on the way to and from school and class.
Like my mom always says, it's a matter of positive thinking. If I think like is crazy and hectic, it will feel that way. If I can take life one bite at a time, it won't seem so big and overwhelming.
So, even as paperwork piles up and the calendar fills with meetings and projects...I will remember that it's about budgeting time and tackling the most important tasks first.
And hopefully, that way of thinking will keep me sane!

Just about me

I haven't posted in forever. I feel like I am consumed with school, and with little free time outside work, school and puppy play time, I am forgetting who I am. And, I don't even have kids yet. I must say though, my job combines what I like with a pay check. Today, I spent time helping students edit their creative writing, which was very therapeutic for me.
So, I decided to do a little creative writing about me in my blog tonight. Not only to help me rediscover what I love about me, but to do something else I love to do, write.

I love Sheetz iced coffee, filled Maple Donuts and pizza shops that serve their subs on homemade bread. I think I love sharing the stories of my athletic adventures of triathlons, half marathons and long bike rides just as much as I love participating in the events. There is no substitute for exercise. Even though my long runs and bike rides have been replaced with doggy walks filled with, "no" "head up" "don't eat that worm" and "what the hell is the matter with you today", I have hopes that some day soon I can pick the pace back up.

I love to shop, but have been trying to refrain from it. I am always on the hunt for the best bargain, which means I end up with a lot of nice things, without the nice price tag.

I love books. Volunteering at the library was the best move I ever made. I love to be surrounded by the dreams and adventures that the books hold. It brings back memories of when I used to volunteer with my mom at the library. When I step into the children's area, I am bombarded with a flood of moments. I feel so happy when I remember a book from my childhood. My mom made the best decision ever when she decided to read to me as much as she did. It created a fascination with books that I will never let go.


I love to be creative. Crafts are a great way to express my creativity and create something that I can give as a cherished gift or decorate my house with. Just like my athletic adventures, I like telling people I made it, just as much as I love making it.

So tired

I am constantly thinking about what I should be doing. I stay at work hours after I am supposed leave and have to fix a lot of mistakes because I am so new. I have 5 million things to do and not enough time to do them. I have 5 chapters to read for my master's classes and when I sit down to read, the dog starts beating up the cat. So, I put him in the crate to get some peace and quiet to read, and he barks out of control because, guess what? He has diarrhea again. It's a lovely way to spend your time, running the dog outside every few minutes to let him relieve himself. Poor dog. I wonder what a quiet life would be like. And I wonder how I will ever handle children. That is just unfathomable. I wonder if the black circles under my eyes will ever go away. Or if the extra pain in my stomach of nervousness will ever subside.
But click here to see my awesome dog, warn out from a long walk and an evening at the park with his puppy buddies and it's all worth it.

Insomnia

Oh how I loathe falling asleep at a decent hour only to wake up an hour later unable to return to my blessed slumber. It's been happening a lot lately. I lay there and think about how I should really cut my toenails. But the toenail scissors are downstairs, and I risk waking the dog to go get them. I think about how I would really like to lose 10 pounds, but never seem to stick to anything I try because I always have an excuse. I think about the book sitting beside my bed and how much I want to finish it. I think about the students returning to school in a week and how I am going to get them energized to start the school year off right. I wonder if my dress clothes still fit and if the 9th graders I have for Reading will be as good as the ones I had last year.
All of these wonderings are happening while I am supposed to be resting for a 60-mile bicycle ride tomorrow.
So, I get out of bed, sign onto Facebook and read status updates, look at photos and waste time. I check my e-mail over and over hoping something new and exciting will pop into it, even though it won't.
I toss and turn and try to get comfortable. I looked at old photo albums which makes me want to lose 10 pounds even more.
I turned on the TV for a few minutes, only to be disgusted at the lack of programming (despite my $75 a month satellite bill and hundreds of channels).
I have to get up at 6 a.m., drive to Lancaster and fight the heat to ride 60 miles. And, I can't sleep. The cruelty of it all!

Where has the summer gone?

I didn't make the cucumber soup yet. For some reason I can't get to the grocery store to get the sour cream. It's so hot today. I wanted to go swimming, but I feel to hot to do anything other than lay on my air contitioned room and read. When I took Moose to the vet today, the car seat burnt my legs.

This is how my summer went. My thoughts are all over the place. I have grand ideas and big plans, but I end up getting little done. I did find a summer to-do list I made during the school year and I hit almost every thing on it. But for having 10 days off, I didn't really accomplish all that much. I hope I can me more committed and organized during the school year. I certainly didn't keep up with this blog like I wanted to.

I did make tuna steak for dinner. It was yummy. I marinated 1 pound of tuna steaks(bought frozen at Giant) in this mixture:

1/4 cup vegetable oil, half of 1/3 cup of soy sauce, tablespoon of garlic, tablespoon of sesame oil, and teaspoon of ground ginger.

Then I broiled it on high for 15 minutes, turning it once and adding more marinade a few times through! Yum. I love, love, love tuna. I ate it with wasabi may (a mixture of wasabi powder and mayo) and pickled ginger.

Sad news

I hate to break the sad news, but Simon is in kitty heaven.
I took him to the vet this morning. He was extra energetic, meowing and trying to get out of the cage with all the strength he could muster. It made me hope that he was feeling better. But a test for feline leukemia quickly came up positive and the vet recommended that I euthanize him. She said he probably had a herpes virus and severe skin problems from all the fleas and ticks he once had. She also said by the looks of his teeth, he was probably an older cat, maybe 7 to 10 years old.
But he was so brave. He let them pick him up and take his blood without as much as a peep. The vet said they sedated him to calm him to sleep so he wouldn't feel any pain. I couldn't help but feel so sad that I was carry his limp body out in a cardboard box. I tried to tell myself that this was just a stray cat that I only cared for for less than a week. But he really touched me and I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I know I did the right thing. He would have probably died sooner than later and suffered badly in the process. Even though it cost me $77 (definitely not a bargain), it was well worth it. I think he had a nice soft and peaceful place to sleep for that last week, even if it was my hot and stuffy garage. And he was just the dearest cat. He always looked forward to seeing me and having me rub his little fluffy head.
So thanks for all the support, can you tell I am a softy?

My week in review

Man, what a week. I told Nate I think I should start my own HGTV show. I would probably call it Nicki's mess ups and how she fixes them! In all honesty I spent the majority of the week painting, running to the store to get supplies, ripping up carpet and moving stuff around.
I feel like I ran a million and one errands. I lost my wallet (thank goodness the person who picked it up in the parking lot at Big Lots was honest, however she didn't turn it into the store. She was going to give it to me later...which could have been tricky because she looked at the address on my license and I have one of those yellow change cards. It's sort of a long story, but I got it back and hugged the woman like three times. Maybe another day I can tell that story.)
I am taking the cat, Simon, to the vet this morning. Not really in the bargain category because it's going to cost a pretty penny, but he is sick and I hope they can fix it. The SPCA said they would take him, but I don't have the heart to just leave him there. So, he is still looking for a home. He stopped eating this week, so I knew it was time to take action. Poor thing.
Well, after this crazy weekend, I will post house pictures. I made some great progress on the downstairs bathroom and upstairs office! Exciting stuff.

My latest summer project

I am calling him Simon. He is so sweet. He is currently living in my garage.

I was leaving my mom's house on Sunday when he came strutting down the driveway. He came right over when I called him. He is all skin and bones and a little dirty, but I am working on cleaning him up, getting him nuetered and ready for a home. The rescue shelter won't take him and he is a dear little thing. When I go out to visit him, he follows me around. I wish could keep him, but I already have two cats and a dog in the works. He sleeps a lot and is trying to stay hydrated. He doesn't eat much yet, but I hope he gets fatter soon. In between my massive cleaning spree today, I go visit him and check him out. Oh, and he can't meow. He tries. When he gets tired of my brushing him out, he growls a little or bats at the brush, but he is so friendly. Spread the word, Simon (or whatever you want to call him) needs a home!

So much to do

So here it finally is, summer. I sort of knew I would find myself with millions of ideas of projects to do and little motivation. I've been spending some time at Cracker Barrel serving, so I haven't been completely off.
I have totally enjoyed being able to go for a morning bike ride (I did 50 miles in two days) or run without the pressure to get home and ready for work or something else.
My first project is the downstairs bathroom. Nate and his brother installed a door. What a relief. That was something that I hoped to have done before our housewarming party. Now, I am charged with decorating it. I have this idea to do a Bermudian-inspired room with light, cool colors since the fixtures in the bathroom are white and I am not in the mood to do any demolition.
I looked around a little on the Internet. I am building the design around a watercolor we bought in Bermuda while on vacation. I found a white shelf, white stool and some colored bottles and a few other items in boxes and around the house that will go great. I was hoping to use leftover paint from other rooms in the house, but I am not sure that I have enough. We will see!
I am also looking for ideas to make the door fit in a little better. It looks a little cheap (probably because we got it at Restor York for $6), but it totally works. It's kind of like the fake wood. I am thinking about painting it. Thoughts?
Today, I also tried to clean up and patch the holes in the wall from removing the large cabinet in the bathroom that prevented the installation of a door.
I made some chili for dinner and Cannellini bean salad for a cool summer snack.
What a random day! Now I am off to Cracker Barrel for a fourth day in a row.

Here is the recipe for the bean salad from Better Crocker

2 (19 ounce) cans of Cannellini beans
1 medium tomato seeded and diced
1 red onion diced
1 medium red pepper diced
2 tablespoons fresh basil (*my first use from the garden this year)
1 tablespoon dried parsley
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix the ingredients together. Serve with lettuce.


**Hopefully a post to come on my adventures in gardening.

Outta here

Well, just as the school year is rounding out and I am supposed to be around more to blog, I am being whisked away to Bermuda on a cruise ship. I know, it's horrible. I am running around for last minute errands and trying to find some shorts that fit my curvy self and don't have a 6 inch gap in the back! Horrible, huh? I am packing and cleaning and ahh...how nice it will be to relax on a beach. I'll let you know how it goes! Hopefully I will have lots of time to brainstorm ideas for future blogs. Goodness knows I am coming home to the tasks of purchasing a car and a refrigerator and doing all my little home projects, not to mention training for the triathlon. Lots to write about.

Ode to black beans

I am in love with black beans. I don't know when it started, but I can't stop eating them. I stock up on cans and cans of them at the grocery store. I eat them with rice, chicken, shredded pork and other dishes. If I can add beans to a pile of leftovers, I will. I LOVE black bean soup at Panera. I love black beans with my Mexican entrees. I just love, love, love them.
I should try to soak them, and make them that way. But it's always easier just to pop open a can.

Maybe I can find a good recipe for my own black bean soup.

To work or not to work, that is the question

I know it's a terrible dilemma. My paycheck continues to come through the summer, but I don't have to work. I will be writing for the newspaper, but there is always Cracker Barrel, too. But lately, I have been so fed up with working there. My schedule is complicated, since Nate works some weekends and has off others. He doesn't want me to commit to weekends, but I don't want to work weekdays. I have dreams of running errands and doing things on my own when no one else is around.
I want to work on home projects and go to Roots in Lancaster. I want to got to Eastern Market on Fridays and go for long runs and bikes in the middle of the week. These are all activities that aren't possible when you work full time.
I don't want to commit to anything this summer, because once fall rolls around, I am enrolled in two masters' classes and am starting a very demanding job as a full time learning support teacher. It's exciting, but I think I need a break before all the chaos and excitment starts.
Who knows, maybe I will just sit down and talk to Cracker Barrel, then I can make a decision from there.

Staying close to home

I sort of celebrated my one year anniversary two weeks ago. We just had a light lunch and spent time with family. What I didn't know was that Nate planned a little mini vacation in York. I know, it's not far away or fancy, but the fact that he took the time to make plans really made my day. It's happening this weekend. After dinner at an undecided location, we are seeing a comedian at the Strand-Capitol Performing Arts Center on Saturday night. Then, we are camping out at the Yorktowne Hotel and finishing off the day Sunday with a York Revolution game. Having moved out of York city a year ago (I can't even believe time flew so fast), I am excited to go back downtown and explore and take in the great sites and activities.

You eat what?

The conversation started with a container of baby carrot sticks leftover from lunch.
I met some high school friends at Long's Park in Lancaster for a day of prayer event. Knowing that one of them hadn't eaten, I brought all I had -- the carrot sticks.
"Here ya go," I said. "I know it's not much, but all I had to dip it in was mustard, and I don't think too many people are keen on that?"
"Mustard?" the two ladies questioned.
"Yeah," I said, "it's really good. Gross sounding, but really good. And very low in calories."
"I like peanut butter on mine," one said.
"Peanut butter?" I asked with the same astonished expression on my face she just gave me.

That's how our food habits form. Those of us adventurous enough try our friends suggestions sometimes are able to pick up new and exciting food ideas. Mustard on carrots came from Nate, my husband. I didn't want to believe it was good, but now I love it. In college, my roommates ate ketchup on raw broccoli. That is one habit I did not pick up.

But isn't it cool how food ideas spread? I mean, America is the place were hundreds and thousands of food ideas converge. Some we adopt, some we do not.

I never had roasted vegetables until a former coworker invited me over for dinner. Now, that is my favorite way to eat vegetables.

I never had sushi until Amy took me to Blue Pacific for a spider roll. Now, I eat it all the time, raw and all.

Isn't it fun to remember where you first tried certain foods?

Refrigerator repair

Ah, the joys of being a homeowner. If there is one thing I don't know how to be frugal about, it's appliance repair. A few days ago, we noticed that our refrigerator and freezer were not keeping temperature the way it was supposed to, even when cranked the whole way to the nine setting. Then it was discovered that it was really just the tops of both sides that weren't working, and that the bottoms were doing OK.
Finally on Thursday I made a phone call to Miles Maytag Repair man. He was booked (apparently refrigerator repairs are a big business.) He wasn't able to come out until today. $163 later, our refrigerator is fixed. And do you know how much the part was? $20 or something...the rest labor. And he was at the house for about an hour, Nate said. You do the math.
Nice, huh?
I don't want to complain because at least we didn't have to buy a new fridge, but dang! That is a lot of money for an hour of work. At least we supported a local business in this tough economy.

Summer is motivation

When I walked outside yesterday, there were so many signs of summer. There was the hum of lawn mowers and weed whackers. As well as the muffled laughs of far off gatherings of friends and neighbors. There was the faint chirping of birds.
And I am not ready. Even though I have picked up my exercise routine to 4 to 6 days a week, I am still carrying more winter weight than I ever have. Is this a sign of what is to come? As I age, it's going to be harder and harder to keep off that unsightly cellulite. And it doesn't help that I totally love food.
I am debating joining Weight Watchers again. It's the only thing that really worked for me other than stress and breakups (which I don't really suffer from much anymore). In fact, I think I am so happy that I just eat more and more.
What worries me is that even though I lost 16 pounds last time I did Weight Watchers (which I have gained all and more back), I became kind of obsessed, carrying a lunchbox with me everywhere I went filled with "my food." I hope this time around, I can be more realistic and not expect a ridiculous drop..rather a healthy balance. Who knows? I think I will always suffer this terrible body image problem.
I've tried that whole "I exercise, so I am healthy thing," but it doesn't work when your pants don't fit.
We'll see...my biggest goal is just to be happy.

My grammar is suffering

Since I left the newspaper 2 months ago, I can really feel my spelling and punctuation slipping. Actually, I can see it. I read my blogs and blush at the terrible mistakes I make. I spelled "by the way" "buy the way." YIKES!
When I teach, I write on the board a lot and find myself second guessing what I spell on the board. Just today I wrote affect and had to look at it twice before I knew I was right. I miss having the time to grab a dictionary and look it up before I spell it. I need to brush up on my old skills again.

Dinner, darnit

I could kick myself at the end of every dinner. This is the conversation I end up having with myself as I am rinsing dishes in the sink.
"Crap."
"I forgot to take a picture."
"Crap."
"These blogs would be much more interesting with photos. Any ideas on remembering? I keep the camera downstairs until I need to take it upstairs to upload it. There is stays.
Anyway.
Tuesday I made chopped salad. I used a fancy tool from Pampered Chef called a salad chopper. It's like a huge pair of scissors. I loved chopped salad. I always serve it with frozen garlic bread sticks that cook in just 4 minutes.
Wednesday, I had leftovers....wait for it.....shredded pork mixed with salsa served over top of rice and a side of turnip greens. Of course, Nate had already eaten because he almost threw up when he saw my plate. I love to mix foods and try new things. Anyone can mix shredded pork with barbecue, but I've tried spaghetti sauce, salsa, pizza sauce and sauerkraut. I find that a combo of new and interesting flavors is better than the same old tired meal.
Tonight, I am making two batches of brownies for the classes that have behaved this week and kept their brownie points. It's been a long week, but I think we all need the reward of brownies and a movie.

I've been busy....err...lazy.

I don't really have an excuse as to why I haven't posted in a little while. I only subbed two days this week and worked at Cracker Barrel two days. I find that when I have a whole day with no concrete schedule, I tend to dilly dally. I did give blood on Wednesday, which takes 2 hours apparently, even if you are the 4th in line. After a smooth blood donation (except for having to prick my fingers twice to check my iron), I drove 15 minutes south on 83 to the Shrewsbury Wal-Mart to get one $2.47 skein of yarn for my afghan. When I bought the yarn five years ago, I had different ideas for the pattern, so it turns out I had too much brown and not enough green to complete the thing. I was tempted to just change the pattern, but after all that work, I figured it was best to do it right.
Wouldn't you know it, Wal-mart was out of the only color I needed. Fortunately, I bought Red Heart, a brand without a dye lot, so I didn't have to worry about matching up the yarn.
I asked the employee to call another Wal-mart before I drove all over looking for it. Reluctantly and with a roll of the eyes, she called the East York store. So nearly 2 hours after I set out for my one skein of yarn...I had it in hand and was back at home. See, it pays to know what you are doing before you try to do it to save gas, time and the interaction with Wal-mart workers.

Friday, Nate and I went to Ikea in White Marsh looking for some home project ideas and supplies. He's now all into my 1950's black and white war-themed room (adding the war part to the decor was his idea of course). It's transformed a bit. He's starting to add his two sense, and can I blame him? It's his house, too.
We came home with a really long curtain rod and accessories for about $13. We also bought two paper lanterns to hang in there. When we returned home and sat in the room and looked around for inspiration, I pulled out the fabric I spent hours picking out to coordinate with the black and white quilt (as seen in photo with the fabric) that used to be on my double bed when I was single. The black and white quilted curtains were the anchor and the reason for my ideas in that black and white room and he didn't approve. I was a little disappointed, but he's probably right...it might not fit with Army-green walls and hard wood floors. Oh yeah, we decided to rip up the carpet in there, too. Fortunately, it involves no stripping. The upstairs floors weren't soiled with black felt padding that takes a lot of effort to strip.
I quickly got over the curtains. Marriage is about compromise, after all. So, I will probably use the fabric for pillows on the futon. The thin black and white fabric will make better pillows than curtains. So, I have to add curtains to the list to complete the black and white room. It's a never ending list.