My kids aren't horrible sleepers. I have heard and read many worse. But no matter how hard I try, I do not stop obsessing until my kid sleeps enough that I feel human. That being said, I totally and fully believe in the 4 month sleep regression. After two children...one who slept for 12 hour stretches from 9 weeks and another who slept so inconsistently I lost track...they BOTH regressed to different degrees at the 4 month mark. Both were taught healthy sleep habits (some of you call it sleep training). Both were able to self soothe. Both put themselves to sleep without a peep. Yet, both of them felt it necessary to regress. The 12 hour sleeper started waking once a night to eat after about 8 hours. The inconsistent crazy sleeper was waking every 4 hours and WOULDN'T eat until 10-12 hours had expired. I told myself I wouldn't beat myself up over sleep after the first baby, but I did. I do. I can't help it. I feel like it's my fault and I should have to fix it. But guess what? They sleep when they are ready. Some things may help, of course, and you will read about them all over the Internet. However, nothing is a magic pill.
I have to say that you have to know your child. You have to be confident in your choices. And you HAVE to know it will get better, even if it feels like it NEVER will.
Sleep disasters can wreak havoc on your family. It can divide a once loving couple. It can scare your preschooler. It can cause depression. It can do so many destructive things. I know, I let it.
The first thing I recommend is that you read a sleep book. I had no idea how a baby sleeps (number of hours, number of naps, etc.). I read and love "The Sleep Program" by Dana Obleman. It taught me to ignore people who said....
"did you try keeping them up later?" (sorry Kelly), Did you let them cry? Maybe it will get better when.....
Anyway, after you've read a great book and you hit a regression, here is my advice:
1. Don't try to be superwoman. Ask for help. Once I asked for help...the pain eased a bit.
2. Don't blame your baby. Really, they aren't doing it to piss you off.
3. Try to come up with a reason why they are waking that makes you feel bad for them. For example. I HATE when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. I curse. So, I told myself that both of my kids had SO much on their minds (I mean, they are developing at a rapid rate) that they would wake and not know what the heck was happening. Of course, since they knew how to self sooth they probably tried to snuggle their blanket or suck their thumb and it just didn't happen. There are plenty of nights I know how to fall asleep and still can't do it. So, when my babies woke, I wanted to help them. I wanted to help them find a way to settle down, and it wasn't CIO (cry it out) in this circumstance.
4. Last night, I prayed. I wanted to be a servant to my children. I wanted to put aside all of my selfish needs and serve them with a happy heart. It worked. It doesn't always, but last night, it did.
5. Don't be a afraid to let your child cry. I was surprised to find that MANY times, the babies could go back to sleep within a certain time frame. I gave them 10 minutes. Then it increased to 15 sometimes. I just stuck to a plan and TRIED to stay consistent. Sometimes you just can't stand it.
6. Chamomile tea. Could have been a coincidence, but I think it helped us both settle.
7. Try not to compare. I say "try" because it's inevitable. If someone said their sleep regression lasted 1 week and you're on week 4...you're going to go insane. I read in a book that you can't compare your insides to someone else's outside. I can't say it enough...but EVERY child is different. My children are proof. You don't expect all kids to walk or crawl at the same pace, we can't expect them to all sleep well at the same pace, either.
8. Vent. Talk to other mothers. Share your concerns and most of all: BE REAL! I want to slaughter mothers who paint a pretty picture of motherhood. At times, I am feeling REALLY, REALLY good and probably am guilty of this, but I have made a conscious effort to share my war stories so other mothers don't feel like they aren't living up to my "outside" appearance.
9. Take time for yourself. I utilize my husband, parents and friends to help me. I still want to be able to shop with space in my cart and no time constraint for feedings or naps. It makes me happy and fills my bucket. I am a much better mother when my bucket is full. I do it a lot, and I don't feel guilty...well, most times I don't.
10. This is going to sound SO morbid, but on a really rough night, when I was trying to calm him, I asked myself if this were his last breaths, how would I treat him. Of course, I started sobbing, but I spoke sweetly to him, shared my love for him and cherished each sweet breath.
And I hate to say it, but baby No. 1 hit a regression at 8 months, too. So, if my sleep regression is REALLY over, I am going to sleep all I can for the next few months...in preparation for our next go round, whenever that may be.
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